I've been writing this blog in my head for a few weeks, trying to figure out how I was going to break the news to you guys. That's when I made the decision, but I wanted to wait until I'd figured out how to tell you before I told you.
And I want to preface this by saying I know it sucks. It does suck. There's no denying it. But sometimes the suckiest road is the still the best one to take.
So here's the news: I do not know when Swear, the final book in the My Blood Approves series is coming out. But it won't be anytime soon.
Now let me explain why: I can't write it. I published Wisdom over 14 months ago, and I've been working on Swear on and off since then. But everything I write feels wrong. I feel disconnected from the characters. It feels rushed and empty.
I started writing it three different times, each time deleting what was already written. I set it aside to work on different books, hoping when I came back to it I would feel differently. But so far I haven't.
A few weeks ago, I was trying to come up with different options just so I could put something out for you guys, but in my heart, I felt like it was terrible. I was trying to rush out something terrible because I wanted to meet an arbitrary to deadline that I'd given to you.
And that's when I decided I couldn't do it. It would be unfair to you to put out a book just to put out a book. It's a series that a lot of you have come to really love, and it's disrespectful to you, the characters, and the series itself if I don't put out the best final book that I possibly can.
Right now, for whatever reason, I can't.
I am sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. That's my biggest regret. That, and ever setting a release date for a self-published book. But I kept thinking that any moment, I'd be able to just get it, and the story would flow, the way it did with the other books. But it hasn't.
I do have the outline written for the last book, and I considered publishing that (for free), but I still think there's hope for me writing the final book. And publishing the outline would be the last ditch effort to give you closure. One way or another, I guarantee that you will find out how the series ends.
I do apologize, but I honestly think this is the best thing I can do for fans of the series. I would much rather not publish anything than publish a book that doesn't live up to your expectations.
Also, to prevent this from happening again, I will not be setting any future release dates for Swear. I won't talk about it at all - not until it's actually ready and about to be published. I don't want to get you hyped for something until I'm absolutely positive it's going to happen.
I am really sorry, and I know it sucks. I'm mad at myself too. But this is honestly the best I think I can do for you.
UPDATE #1: I think I need to clarify the following things. My problems with writing Swear aren't because a lack of ideas, writer's block, or because of my publishers. I know exactly how the book ends. I don't believe in writer's block. And I'm actually in trouble with foreign publishers for not writing it.
I don't know how to explain it to you any better than I already have. I feel completely disconnected from all the characters.
One of the biggest issues I have is the that love triangle is over. It ended at the end of Wisdom. Alice made her choice, once and for all. The fifth book for Swear would be about wrapping up some loose ends. But there is no love triangle. Alice chose very clearly at the end of Wisdom.
Below I am going to offer a SPOILER filled explanation of a the love triangle. If you wish not to read it, you have that option. If you wish to, just highlight it.
What about Jack's one? Alice was meant for Peter. - No, she wasn't. Elise was meant for Peter. When Jack was turned into a vampire, he died. He was technically dead. That screwed up everything. The blood bond that was meant for him - namely, Alice's - crossed over to Peter. She was actually always meant for Jack. The whole point of their love story, however, is that Alice and Jack fall in love with each other before the blood bond kicks in. They got to know each other, then fell in love.
This was my intention all along, and the whole point of the series actually was free will. Alice loved Jack because she wanted to, not because of fate. It eventually turns out they were fated anyway, but that's not why she fell in love with him.
But for those of you filled with rage now at this, shouting what? I love Peter! You'll understand why I didn't write the book now. Writing a book is hard work and I put my heart and soul in it. I have no interest in working hard on something to have people send me hate mail.
You may be saying, well, then why don't you just change the ending? Because I can't. That would be a lie. I can't write things I don't believe in, that I don't care about it. You may not like my writing or agree with my choices, but I do. That's what makes it work. I believe in and am passionate about what I write. I knew from the first book that Alice would end up with Jack, and I can't change just because it would make people unhappy
But I also can't bring myself to work so hard on something that I know will only make people unhappy. When I think about it, it makes my chest tight and my stomach twist up. It's made me hate the series and hate all the characters in it, which makes me further disconnected from the story.
UPDATE #2: I would like it if you all read the post called "Ideas vs Things." This lays out why I'm not talking about Swear and I will not even comment on the status of Swear until it's written, edited, and about to be published. Me not talking about it doesn't me I'm not thinking about or working on it (although, it doesn't mean I am working on it either). It just means that I'm not comfortable saying ANYTHING about it until I am absolutely 100% when the book will be out.
I have not forgotten about it. I will not forgotten about it. I want to finish it. Yelling at me, swearing at me, threatening me will not make the writing process go faster. In fact, it slows things down a lot because I get upset and distracted when people yell at me, and that means I'm less likely to write anything.
I know most of you have been incredibly patient, and I want to thank all of you that have been reasonable and sane about this whole thing. I know it sucks (it sucks for me, too).
But in reality, it's only been two years since Wisdom came out. Two years. That's not a very long time, even though I know it seems like eternity between books. (But I had to wait four years for The Dark Knight Rises after The Dark Knight, so I get it).
I'm just asking you to be patient. I will write it. I'm just not going to talk about it until it's finished. And then when it is, I will scream it from mountain tops and take out ads and throw a parade. I will let everyone and everything know, and you won't be able to miss it. Thank you.